Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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