I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
