Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
