Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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