I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
