I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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