I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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