not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
