those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
