yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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