i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize