That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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