I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
