hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
