the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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