I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
