he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am one with the molecules
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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