Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
