i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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