I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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