I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
