I wanna passion pit in your ass
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
