i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
