Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
