I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
