you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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