Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
