Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize