I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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