Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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