I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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