Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
