Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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