i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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