my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
