he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
