there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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