Kiss
Puke
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
