This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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