smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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