you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
