You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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