you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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