i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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