I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
