Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
