are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
