I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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