our cab driver is having phone sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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