apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you win again, gameday.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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