apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
