fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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