If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
