its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
