Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
