Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
