So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
not ubering you a puppy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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