OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
