wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
