So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
