i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
