Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
