he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
