As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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