God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I will die if light touches me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
