I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
