help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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