He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
