If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
